The Big One
by storytellergirl
Summary: Ron and Hermione are fighting again...but this time it's war.


A/N: Obviously I don't own Harry Potter...I'm not _that_ creative.

**The Big One**

Harry shifted his books underneath his arms. It had been an extremely long day.

_Wait till Ron and Hermoine hear about what happened to Malfoy at lunch today._ Harry grinned at the thought and was too busy reliving the moment to notice Neville running directly in his path.

"Oomph!" cried Harry as the two boys fell to the ground. Neville immediately gathered Harry's books together and looked over his shoulder warily.

"Sorry about that, Harry. It's a bloody war zone back in the common room. Every man for himself," whispered Neville shuddering.

"A war zone? What's going on?" asked Harry, his thoughts jumping to Voldemort.

"It's best not to talk about it, Harry. If I say the wrong thing then I could be next." And with that Neville handed Harry back his books and sprinted down the hallway, trying to get as far away from the common room as possible.

Harry frowned and quickly headed towards the common room. Outside the portrait hole there stood the entire Gryffindor house, waiting.

"Harry! Thank-God!" screeched Ginny latching onto Harry's robes. "_Do_ something!"

"Do something? Do what? What the bloody hell is going on?" demanded Harry in exasperation.

"World War III, Harry, m'boy," answered Fred as he and George joined Ginny at Harry's side.

"Yeah, and if you want I can sell you front row seats for the rest of the show. It should last a couple more hours," added George rubbing his hands with glee.

"Ignore them, Harry!" hissed Lavender coming over to the small group. "And do something quick, or else…or else I'm going to go completely mad!"

"What are you all talking about?" Harry dropped his books to the ground and eyed the entire Gryffindor house for an answer.

Ginny bit her lip nervously. "It's Ron and Hermoine. They're having another row. A _big_ one."

"Again? Ginny, they _always_ have rows."

"Not like this. Hermione's throwing books around with her wand and Ron's trying to hex her with his, but seeing as how it's broken again it keeps backfiring and hitting the wrong targets."

"Namely us, mate," sighed Lee rubbing his own shoulder gingerly.

Harry groaned. "What are they fighting about this time?"

"Who cares what they're fighting about, Harry! Stop them before we all die!" shouted Seamus with wide eyes. He was cowering behind Lavender, chewing his nails like there was no tomorrow.

"Fine." Harry moved to stand in front of the Fat Lady and snorted when his fellow housemates shrunk away from the portrait.

"Well, aren't _you_ brave!" cooed the Fat Lady with a giggle.

"So it seems."

"Password?"

"Flutterbucket."

"Good luck." The portrait swung open and Harry barely ducked in time to avoid a book flying out of the common room. Apparently Seamus wasn't so lucky. The boy moaned in pain and the entire Gryffindor house ran for cover.

Harry gulped and took a step inside the common room. The place was a disaster. Books and paper were strewn about the floor, ash residue was visible upon the walls, and broken glass seemed to decorate every table within reach. And there, standing on opposite sides of the room were Ron and Hermoine with wands pointed at the other.

"Apologize this instant, Ronald Weasley!" insisted Hermoine, her brown eyes on fire.

"No! _You_ apologize!" shouted Ron.

"Me? What for? You started this whole thing!"

"Please, Mione, I didn't do anything. All I did was ask for one bloody little favor and you blew up!"

"I did no such thing, Ronald! You…you are an insufferable little twit!"

"That's a whole lot better than being an insufferable little know-it-all!" Ron retorted waving his wand in the air.

"How dare you!" Hermoine gave a flick of her wand and the books on the floor went flying towards Ron. Harry's eyes widened and he dropped to the ground to avoid being hit. His friends had gone completely bonkers!

"Hermoine! Stop!" ordered Ron trying to get a decent hex out of his own wand. Instead, his wand let out a puff of smoke…and nothing more. In irritation Ron tossed it to the ground and grabbed one of the books that had hit him and hurled back towards Hermoine. The witch rolled her eyes and dodged the book.

"Is that the best you can do?" she muttered.

"You broke my wand!"

"Don't blame that on me. If you had been more careful, rather than waving it all around the place, it never would have happened in the first place."

"Well, if _you_ hadn't thrown those bloody books at me, I wouldn't have been trying to protect myself, now would I?"

There was a brief silence, allowing Harry to gather his nerve and jump to his feet. Both Ron and Hermoine turned to finally notice his arrival.

Harry raised a finger issuing silence from his two best friends. "I don't want to know what this is all about. All I want is peace. You've scared Neville silly—he's running around Hogwarts right now babbling about the war zone….and the rest of our house has fled in terror, quite possibly to find a teacher to come put a stop to all this nonsense or to bring Seamus to Madam Pomfrey. I'm not certain which. All I know is that you had better put a stop to this before you get detention…or worse."

Hermoine gazed thoughtfully at Harry, as Ron nodded his head in understanding. And just like that they turned to one another and continued to hurl insults back and forth.

"You insensitive—"

"You're wrong, I'm right!"

"You're a git!"

"You're a bloody menace!"

"Prat!"

"Evil woman!"

"I hate you!"

"You're intolerable, you know that?"

"Ron, you don't even know what that word means," pointed out Hermoine. Ron huffed in anger.

"I simply can't stand you, Hermoine Granger!"

"Obviously the feeling is mutual, or I wouldn't be standing here trading barbs with you!"

"What is going on?" screeched Harry at the top of his lungs. Hermoine and Ron turned back to their best friend in shock. By now, The-Boy-Who-Had-Lived was shaking with frustration and anger.

Ron let out a puff and started to explain. "It's all Hermione's fault. She's being unreasonable."

"_I'm _being unreasonable?" squeaked Hermoine. "Ron, you asked me for my potions notes again. I've told you a thousand times to pay attention in class, and not to use me like I'm…nothing!"

"Good-God, Hermoine, you never even let me finish asking you what I wanted to ask you earlier! You just got up and started yelling at me again. You're driving me mad!"

"Oh, grow up, Ronald!"

Harry rolled his eyes and prayed that his friends wouldn't start throwing hard objects at each other again. That's all he needed, broken bones.

"For your information, Hermoine," hissed Ron taking a couple of steps to stand before her, "I was asking for your notes in order to get your attention. You never pay attention to me!"

"I do too!"

"You do not! If you did you would have noticed that I had my potions notes in my hands when I asked you for yours. All I wanted to ask you was whether or not you wanted to study together, that way it'd be easier for me to ask—""

"Am I honestly supposed to believe any of this?" Hermoine frowned as Ron's face turned bright red. He was starting to lose his temper again.

"I wanted to ask you to Hogsmeade this weekend on a date! But did you let me ask you out? _Noooo_. You were just being daft and…and…mean!"

Hermoine blinked in surprise at the outburst and then smiled. "Is that all? I'd _love_ to go with you." She quickly stood up on her tiptoes and gave him a soft kiss on the lips. "I'll see you later. I have _loads_ of studying to do before then."

Harry gaped in astonishment as Hermoine gave Ron another kiss before picking up her book bag and leaving the common room. He looked over at his friend and shook his head in wonder.

"What just happened here?" whispered Harry.

"I don't know about you, but _I _just got a date." Ron grinned and looked about the room. "Hmph. Someone should really clean this mess up….you'd think the Gryffindors were pigs or something." And with that the red-head sauntered out through the portrait door whistling to himself.

"I've gone mad! I know have! Completely, stark-raving mad!" Harry was still muttering to himself when Ginny returned with two frying pans in her hand; and behind her was Professor Snape, huffing after trying to keep up with the petite girl.

"Where are they?" demanded Ginny stomping her feet and waving the pans in the air. "Just wait until I get my hands on them!"

"Uh…they left, Ginny. It's all over." Harry flinched as the pans came ever so close to his head.

"Gone? What do you mean gone?" He voice went up an octave, causing Snape to take two steps back.

Snape continued to walk backward as he spoke. "I don't know what happened here…and frankly, I don't believe I want to know, Potter. But by the time I return with the Head of your House, I expect this room to be spotless…or else fifty points from Gryffindor."

With a swirl of his robes, the professor was gone leaving both Harry and Ginny to stare around at what had once been their common room. There was absolutely no way it could be spotless by the time Snape returned. Soundlessly, Harry grabbed a frying pan out of Ginny's hand and headed towards the door.

"Harry, where are you going?"

"To kill my best friends, you coming?" Harry didn't even bother to look back as he continued onwards with his mission. Ginny stared open mouthed at the door before grinning an evil grin.

"Harry! Wait up! Don't start without me!" She hollered running out the door.


End file.
